The Art of Reading a Book Narrated by a Dog

Reading The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein was a roller coaster of love and hatred, but mostly hatred. Let me recount to you the gradual decline of my mental stability with this book: 

LAP 1 

A book narrated by a dog? Cool! I bet he'll be really cute and dumb and like to run around in the rain and stuff. 

LAP 2 

Wait, what? Why is this dog smarter than me? Why does he want to be reincarnated as a man? "Racing in the rain" refers to actual racing in the rain???? SO MANY QUESTIONS 

LAP 2

huh? 

LAP 3 

I thought this was a racing book, but now it's a cancer book...

LAP 4

I LOVE YOU ENZO 

LAP 5 

Why is Zoe smarter than me too??? Too many smart characters. 

LAP 6 

ZEBRA. 

LAP 7

OMG. WHY IS HIS COUSIN FLIRTING WITH HIM. EW. MAKE IT STOP. 

LAP 8

Enzo knows too much about life. He needs to go. 

LAP 9 

NOW IT'S A RAPE BOOK???? I CAN'T KEEP UP. 

LAP 10 

The Twins need to die forever. They do not deserve to be reincarnated into another being, they just need to die. 

LAP 12 

So now I guess this is one of those child custody books...

LAP 13 

So much confusion. 

LAP 14 

Zoe is suddenly a child prodigy race car driver. Okay. 

LAP 15

ENZO no don't leave me!!!!!

LAP 16 

Italy... 

LAP 16

ENZO IS A BOY. DYING BECAUSE CLICHES ARE DEATH. BYE. 

My conclusion about this book is that Garth Stein wanted so badly for this book to be profound, that he decided to take all of the cliche plot lines of popular sad books and dumped them all into a single novel, hoping that at least one profound thing would come out of it. It didn't work, sorry Garth.